I imagine my experience is not unique. During a recent walk along the path which now graces the old Jerusalem-Tel Aviv train tracks, someone walking toward me waved. Clearly I was supposed to know her since she was waving and judging from her body language she was happy to see me. But, for the life of me I could not figure out who it was because these are the days of Covid-19 and masks. It took me a full 30 seconds of ‘beginning to panic’ to determine who was coming toward me at what seemed like breakneck speed. My comfort in the moment was her eyes that had sparkles of joy in them. Thank goodness for eyes. Thank goodness that in a time when we have lost half of our visual cues of identification and meaning behind a mask, we can still communicate so effectively with the rest of our bodies.
Studies have shown that in the United States, the bigger the smile, the friendlier a person is judged to be. Born and raised in America, it is central to my determination of the mood of someone approaching. Are they smiling, frowning, or lost in thought? Rather, it was central, until 2020 when we lost half of our visual cues to the masks of Covid-19. In contrast, in the Far East where masks have been common for years, information about someone’s state of mind is passed through means not centering on the mouth. Likewise, in Israel, encountering someone with their face partially obscured is not particularly unusual. Women with head scarves and niqabs (worn by some Muslim women), men with bushy beards and kefiot (Middle Eastern head scarf for men) are common. They too are all able to obtain their clues through other means.
We meet one another with our whole bodies; how we walk, move and gesture provides information, especially the eyes. Eyes can tell us so much about how someone’s mental state. Are they happy, angry, or perhaps afraid? And once the conversation begins we can hear feelings in the voice. I was sitting in shul in June (our congregation in Jerusalem has been davening outside, socially distanced and with masks all summer). A friend was walking up the stairs and I smiled. It was a gentle, ‘hi’ type of smile. Quickly I realized that from her perspective I was probably just staring at her so I consciously smiled more until my eyes and the rest of my face were involved as well. I noticed that not only was I sending her a message but my body responded as well, I felt that smile within myself. I have learned to smile completely, with my eyes and my body. I have learned to ‘smile through the mask.’
Does it particularly matter if we smile? Yes. The simplest reason; even though I did not immediately recognize my friend that morning on the train tracks, her easy gait and smiling eyes put me at ease. In addition, I found myself responding in the same way. A smile came to my face (particularly after I figured out who it was). Researchers call this social mimicry. We tend to imitate the behavior of others so if they are smiling at us, we will smile in return – at least internally. And let’s face it, as I experienced in shul, we feel better when we smile.
The Rabbis of old were no stranger to this idea. In Pirke Avot (Ethics of the Fathers 5:15) we are told to “accept all people with a pleasant face.” The Rabbis of the Talmud go even further and tell us that our face is considered “a public place.” Others are affected by what we portray. In fact, smiling and kind words are considered the highest form of charity because it helps the body and the soul (Baba Batra 9). This past January I wrote about the power of the gift of a smile toward those we meet in https://rabbihannahestrin.com/2020/what-if-god-was-one-of-us/
Try something with me. Smile for a moment. Go ahead, no one is watching. Look in the mirror and give yourself a big beautiful smile. What do you feel and see? Why is it that when we are happy or want to portray friendliness that we smile, and display our teeth? A display of teeth in the animal kingdom is not typically a show of warmth yet it is our human tendency. Those same Rabbis tell us again (Ketubbot 111b) that a ‘whitening of teeth’ (a show of teeth, a smile) is more important than providing milk (which was precious). Why did God cause us to react this way? Why is it valued so highly?
Think about the final set of teeth that grow in our mouth, the Wisdom Teeth, so called because by the time they arrive we, in theory, have some wisdom. Several cultures connect the teeth with goodness and wisdom. Jewish mysticism says there are 32 paths to wisdom and each is connected to one of our 32 teeth. But on a more basic level when we open our mouths showing our teeth we also have the opportunity to share wisdom.
Whether we realize it or not, God created us so that when we smile, laugh, or show our teeth we are happy. When we greet someone, we are supposed to smile at them. Smiling exhibits our kindness and openness to relate to another person. It’s our way of saying ‘I am feeling good and I want to share it with you so that you feel the beauty of the world as well.’
It seems that masks are going to be around for a while. Wearing a mask is a sign of community and of mutual consideration. It is the right thing to do. But in this time where our sense of centeredness, well-being and community is being strained, where mental and spiritual health is struggling, and where our need to touch and be touched is curtailed, we need smiles even more. Let us all smile a little bigger and ensure that our eyes, bodies and voices are smiling with us.