I found Judaism in my teens. I was in a search for meaning and connection but I wanted those things in an intellectually open way. I wanted to examine and understand the how, the why, the history. I did much of my early learning with Rabbi E. Any question I asked he would pull out a book, give me a basic outline and a conversation would ensue followed by that book going home with me so I could read in more depth before we met the following week. When I returned we would discuss any point over which I had struggled either in understanding or agreement. He never said I was wrong. He said ‘well, my understanding is X. Why do you think Y?’ Eventually I began to understand that these discussions are not a part of Judaism, they are Judaism. But I was new to the endeavor and was missing an essential element of the process. I still had to encounter the volume and the intensity of arguing a point.
The thing is, Jews don’t talk Torah we TALK TORAH. Usually loudly, with a multitude of opinions and with the surety that ours is the correct opinion. Yet, while we boisterously give all the reasons to support whatever we are saying, we also have an amazing ability not only to listen but to hear and incorporate. On occasion, we may even be convinced that there is something additional we need to take into account in our own reasoning. The shakla v’tarya, the back and forth of a conversation is as much a part of the process, perhaps even more important, than the answer itself. This process is so valued, that the dissenting or ‘losing’ arguments are also recorded and preserved. Who knows, perhaps someday the minority opinion may become the majority or new information may come to light. And this is not just about Torah in the classic sense – Torah can be anything from the Five Books of Moses to politics.
When I started Rabbinical School. Talk about a learning curve. No longer was the education passive. We became the teachers. Before sitting in class, we would learn in the Beit Midrash, literally the House of Interpretation. The Beit Midrash was filled with pairs of students (hevruta or paired learning is a classic Jewish style), learning together, talking. Imagine 30 people sitting in a room, paired off, arguing about different things. And you had to talk loudly in order to be heard. It was… chaos. I LOVED it! Once I learned to tune out the details of what was happening around my table and concentrate on my partner that is.
Once we thought we had learned the material we would head to class. We were all prepared to argue that this is the correct way of understanding a particular section. Usually I was 100%…. Wrong. But the process was important and valued and I learned to support my understanding. Eventually my ability to bring the opposite understanding would earn me the nickname adarabba, ‘on the contrary’, in Aramaic.
Over winter break my second year of Rabbinical School, I had the opportunity to fly to Texas for an interfaith seminary student conference. It was held at some sweet little resort in the middle of nowhere outside of San Antonio. One evening I was sitting with a Hebrew Union College Rabbinical student. We were tasked with teaching the weekly reading to the group the following day and were discussing what to focus on. It was just the two of us in the main lounge area. I was vaguely aware when someone opened the door, held it open for a bit and then departed without entering. I was more aware when a few minutes later the door opened just slightly for perhaps half a minute and closed again. But, we were deep in discussion so neither of us paid much attention to it.
A couple minutes later, the door opened and in came three or four Christian seminary students, directly to our table. We stopped to say hi & they asked us what we were fighting about? They could hear us outside. It took us both a few seconds to understand that what they perceived as fighting was simply us discussing the text. When we finally stopped laughing we were able to explain to them that we were not fighting at all – we were talking Torah. They were flabbergasted and I suddenly realized that no longer was I the passive person learning but an active partner in an age-old tradition.
That was nearly two decades ago. But just six months ago I was guiding a large family group when we headed toward a food packing warehouse. The warehouse created food boxes for those in need and we were going to help out. No one was around so I sent the group into the waiting area and went looking for someone. Because what good Israeli would patiently wait? We were there, where were they? I passed the refrigerator at one point, a big industrial walk-in refrigerator, and heard voices inside. I was hesitant to walk in because there was clearly a heated discussion happening inside and someone was in the process of getting chewed out. Still not seeing anyone though, I eventually had to open the door. You guessed it, they were talking Torah. This time I was the recipient of the realization that Jews discuss in a very unique way.
Today it is something I love about Judaism and Israel. I think that there is something to be learned from the enterprise. At home, we often sit around the dinner table and TALK politics, food (of course) and even Torah itself. Not to convince but to hear and learn. Sometimes I think we just like to hear ourselves talk! But we listen as well. And we don’t view a new perspective, a changed mind (even if it is ours) as a bad thing. And then the conversation is over… we have dessert and move on to something else.
Talking, incisive debate, is how we learn new things. It is how we fine tune and strengthen our own perspective and how we help others to do the same. It is not about right and wrong, but about continuing a tradition that brought us to be leaders in so many venues in this world. Why would we unfriend or ghost someone because their ideas or politics are different? Can we not learn from everyone? We should value each other for the people we are and the opinions we have. Variety they say is the spice of life. Variety brings beauty and strength to our discussions and life. Let us discuss simply for the sake of the discussion. Let us not be afraid to Talk Torah in all aspects of our lives as Jews have been doing for millennium. We may be surprised at the potential those conversations hold.